The courage to be yourself

Summer is in full swing.  The days are hot and sunny, the evenings are balmy and there’s a lovely buzz in the village as people arrive home from abroad or other parts of Italy to spend summer with their families.

We’ve been going to our garden early in the morning while it’s still cool, to plant veg and water.  Planting got off to a late start as we were waiting for a fence to put in, to keep the wild boars out.  Not something we had to think about with our Irish garden!

Our garden is 1.5km from the village and is surrounded by lots of other gardens.  So there’s always someone coming or going who stops for a chat or to give ‘advice’.

When we bought our land it had been abandoned for somewhere between 10 and 20 years (depending on who you talk to).  We cut back all the briars and the invasive acacia but we’ve tried at much as possible not to disturb the soil by over digging or over tilling it.  This preserves the soils microbial layer which moves nutrients around, holds moisture and stops the soil from washing away when it rains.  Our intention is to create a food forest, where there will be multiple layers of planting, which in time should create its own lush ecosystem with different foods to eat throughout the year as apposed to focusing on growing most of our food during the summer months.

What this means is that our veg garden doesn’t look as tidy or as manicured as the others, which is causing some confusion and hence the advice.

Some of the advice has been helpful (such as the best varieties of beans to grow for our position on the mountain), but some of it has implied that we haven’t a clue what we’re doing, which my ego mind really doesn’t like.

So last week after one such piece of advice from Giovanni, I stood in my garden feeling really awkward and a bit deflated.  Instead of trying to ignore the feeling or shake it off, I sat with it and this is what emerged.

For a long time I felt like an outsider.  I grew up on a farm in-between two villages and never really belonged to either one.  I was a country girl in amongst all the ‘townies’ when I went to school and college and let’s face it, my work isn’t exactly what you’d call a ‘normal’ job.

But all my life I’ve followed an inner knowing, something I now know is the voice of my Soul, and it’s not interested in me fitting in, it’s interested in me being true to myself.  Listening to the voice of my Soul has not been without challenges, as it frequently prompts me to stretch outside my comfort zone.  But it continually guides me ‘home’ to a place inside myself that feels true, expansive and joyful.  It’s my ego mind that keeps disconnected and feeling small.

So as I sat with those uncomfortable feelings I was reminded that I’m not an outsider, I’m an Edgewalker.  Someone who walks between worlds; learning, cross pollinating and constantly evolving.  And in that moment I realised that all the advice from my neighbours was not criticism, they really and truly do mean well.  Those interactions were actually little tests from the Universe asking me if I still have the courage to be myself.

Are you an Edgewalker?

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