are you stuck between versions of yourself?

A little over a year ago during my meditation, my inner wise woman showed up with a very clear message.  “Stop dying your hair.”  

I first dyed my hair over 30 years ago.  It started with a few highlights and then my colour and haircut became a way of expressing myself.  Every time I’d an energetic shift, I’d change my hair to anchor in the new version.

In the past few years however, colouring my hair had become more about covering the roots.  I didn’t mind going grey, I just hated the mish mash of colours at the regrowth line, so I kept dyng it.

But then my medicine woman showed up and I know better than to ignore her, so off to the hairdressers I went.  Anna, my hairdresser was not happy about about my decision, and proceeded to tell me (and the whole salon) that I was making a huge mistake.  Reluctantly she cut my hair short and told me to come back for a colour when I was ready.

I didn’t go back for a colour but I couldn’t get used to how my hair felt or looked on my head.   About 6 months into the process of growing out the old colour and still not feeling like myself I said to Vince, “I feel like a nun who has entered the convent and had her hair cut.”  When I heard the words come out of my mouth, I understood what was happening.  I hadn’t said goodbye to the version of myself that I’d outgrown to make space for the new one.  I was stuck between versions.  

So in my meditation I went and met with the ‘old me’ that needed to be released.  It turned out I was still quite attached to her, especially her curly copper hair.  A part of me felt that if I let her go (even though the colour wasn’t natural) that I’d loose some of my fiery Irish identify as well. 

After I took some time to heal and release that energy, another layer came up.

The first time I ever dyed my hair was because my mum (who has never coloured hers) suggested I get some highlights ‘to brighten my hair up’.  What I didn’t realise until that moment was that my 17 year old self had interpreted this as ‘You’re not good enough’.  

It was this part of me, the part that didn’t feel good enough that was really struggling with me not colouring my hair.  So I held her in love, forgave myself and my mum, and made space for the healing to happen.  Then when I was ready I released the copper haired version of me that I’d outgrown and invited the grey haired version of me (who it turns out is equally as fiery) to come into my body and into my life.

Two weeks ago I took myself off to a new hairdresser, and it was a completely different experience.  He complemented me on my hair colour, offered me a coffee instead of criticism and cut it in a way that will allow my curls to grow back.  I walked out of the salon with a smile on my face, knowing that the ‘new version’ of me was finally landing in my body.

Changing versions takes time.  But sometimes we delay the process (and delay receiving the gifts that the new version has to offer us) because we’re stuck in resistance.

My question to you today is whether it’s in a relationship, your work, your finances, your well-being, your creativity, or your soul growth, are you stuck between versions?  Is it time to make space for the new one, and let the old one go?

Let me know.

Catherine x